Friday, July 12, 2013

How do I help college-age survivor who keeps going back?

Thanks, Jaded. Yes, he is raping her. But she refuses to acknowledge that's what is happening, because she figures she is making the choice to go back and she is allowing it, so it can't be rape. I know better. She is like a prisoner of war - he brainwashed her for years and the mother let him do it.

I agree with all of what you just said - that's the problem. She blames herself instead of him. She gets depressed instead of furious. If I try to get lovingly tough with her and say all of what you wrote, she just starts abjectly apologizing to me, as if I were the one she was hurting and not herself. She has a place to stay - she goes home anyway. She will never report to the police again after what happened before.

The truth is probably that no one can help her until she is really ready to help herself... Letting go of the dream of a real family and loving parents is horrifically painful. I just need to know what to say to her the next time, and the next, that will help empower her but not make her feel like a failure or a whore (which he tells her she is) for allowing this to continue. In the end, I think I just need to vent, as I have no one I can talk to about this in order to honor her wish for confidentiality.

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/supportgroups/supportgroups/~3/ov_1PwERJDI/how-do-i-help-college-age-surviv

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